Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
