I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
