The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
