my vag is so smooth its legendary
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
