life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my shit smells like andre
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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