What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize