If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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