I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
