just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
