O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize