you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
