At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize