The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
