I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
