if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
