Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
