even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
