Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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