**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
