you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
