We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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