i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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