hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
