I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
