The maid of honor just puked.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
