Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
