party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize