My liver just broke up with me...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
