No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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