Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
