the condom got lost in my hair
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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