In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
