i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
