he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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