ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
