maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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