You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
