get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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