I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
