if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
