You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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