Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
