I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
