I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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