You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize