Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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