he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
