had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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