Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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