do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think my vagina is haunted
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
