Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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