I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
