Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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