im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My ass is underappreciated
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
