It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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