New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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