There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
