I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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