idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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