i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
