I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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