he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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