i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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