they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
