I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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