i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
