he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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