i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize