then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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