Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
